Game Theory 2.34

It's hot, so it's afternoon-rest again. Siesta, it would be called back in the other world. We're in the suite of rooms they've set aside for us, having returned here for rest after lunch with Hajarean and Hanima and the four of their grandchildren currently staying, although the latter were prone to dash off with our little pack into the garden to get acquainted rather than finish their meal. It's very well appointed in the Jeodine style, with curved-arched windows, shuttered now against the heat, and rugs and cushions and chaises-longues and proper beds. "That Hanima is something special," Sam says sleepily. "I can see why my last character called her princess." I chuckle. "She must have been an astonishing beauty when she was young," Sam continues. "She's not half bad now--- I mean I'd---" "Shush, you," I say. "You know what she did, letting us know she understands English?" "Oh yes. Fair warning, I guess. God knows who else he's taught. Guess we can't use it as a secret language any more." "Not the rate those kids are picking it up anyway. I think I heard Ateis call Garelan a 'bleeding plonker' yesterday." "Oh God, Haji's right, I am a bad influence. When did I say that?" "I dunno, probably wasn't there. You know, if the Satthei's alive I don't want to have to explain to her why we're turning her daughter into a chav." "Haha. Burberry elves with Croydon facelifts." "Shows off the ears better," I inform her, deadpan. Inspired (or something), I sit up and scrape my hair back into a ponytail held with my hand to demonstrate. "Am I bovvered? Do I look like I'm bovvered? ’Cause I'm not---" I receive a cushion in the face for my efforts. I hug it, chuckling, and lie down again. It's hot. "Hey, where _are_ the kids anyway?" Sam asks. "Common area. I think they're doing that kittenpile thing." "Aww, an' I'm missing it. You should join in." "I'm not _that_ much of a kid. Anyway, Beni and ’Suti are with them." Therefore we've been left alone for a change. "You think we did the right thing, coming here?" I ask. "You didn't argue back at Jalsone's, so---" "Yes. I think it's good. We'll find out more here. Better connections. And he's probably right about it being safer." "We're getting further from the sea," I murmur, looking at the ceiling.

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Too much, too little

Game Theory has taken a twist towards too much action, too many characters, and too little focus on the original characters and their development. If the new goal is the action, its succeeding. If its the characters, build up more story length by focusing on what the characters feel, what they want, and how they change and relate. Right now, from 2.30 -2.34, I , as a reader, feel lost. Too many plot devices are going on and nothing is really being done. The characters are not changing or excelling and it seems the story has lost interest in them as a focus. Hopefully, at some point, a clear focus on the characters will be established, or else the action.

Sephrena Lynn Miller

professional-quality amateur writing!

Hi,

I personally feel that this story has only grown since its inception. I don't think that it's become unbalanced in its focus on characters or action. This is one of the best amateur writings I've seen in a long, long time, actually - very professional.

I will admit that I was disappointed when the dark elf was killed earlier on. First, I do love a good romance, and that character interaction had good potential at the time. But secondly, I thought the conflict between his evil, twisted past and the overlay of Lee's own personality was very intriguing. I was hoping for some kind of prolonged struggle and possible redemption of him rather than a quick end like that. But you've explored this same theme plenty with the remaining characters, though, so that's good.

Overall, though, I've been incredibly impressed by this story. The detail, variegated settings, and the interesting twists introduced by these overlayed personalities are all really fascinating - something I'd expect to see in a published book, but not in something freely available online.

So thanks again for writing it, and I look forward to more! :D

~ev

Totally seconded! Well

Totally seconded! Well maybe not totally. I agree with the praise, but think you're missing one of the most important—or at least most interesting questions here.

It's not that Lee was an overlay on K, it's the Dark Elf was an overlay on Lee. The question of true self and personality seems to carry throughout Ch.2 (or maybe I'm reading too deeply?).

Just a correction

Lee didn't become Kerilas; Lee became Sam[ila]. James became Kerilas. :-)