Strange Noises Fiction by Rachel Greenham

Tim Manor is torturing my hands again tonight. The cold aching pain as the clamps are pressed shut around my fingers is, as ever, only the harbinger of what follows. I plead. I beg. But I don't resist. There was never any question of resisting. Later I remonstrate. "You're so weak," I tell my parents. My voice is shaking. "You always let them do it. You're so... weak. And you're weak too," I say to Tim Manor. "You're such a weak little _bureaucrat._" I put so much disdain into that word I can't believe it doesn't make him at least flinch. For a while I scream obscenities. Then I cry. "You're being a bit fractious tonight, aren't you?" Tim Manor says lightly, and carries on. That means it's going to take a long time before he's finished. I try to be still, but I can't. Not tonight. Soon I'm swearing and insulting him again, my voice still shaking. "How does it feel to be so weak you'll do this to an innocent just because someone told you to?" He does glance at me then, a little meeting of eyes, but no explanation, no excuses; he can't even contradict my description of myself as innocent. It simply doesn't make any difference. So it goes on. I know he won't stop until I'm quiet and passive. In a way it's comforting to know that I can trust him to get me to that place again, because right now it feels like the hate and anger is going to go on forever. "Tani, wake up! Wake up!" And a light touch on my hand. A real touch. I wake up, crying out in pain and withdrawing my hands protectively to my chest. I swear loudly at whoever touched me, crying. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I didn't mean to hurt you!" Asuti's voice. Finally I get my eyes open and see her backed up to the bunk opposite. "’Suti," I say thickly. She nods. "Hey girl, what's up?" My hands won't stop shaking, and my arms, all the way to my shoulders. She smiles, seeming to brighten the cabin. "Sam said to come below and wake you. We've sighted land." "Oh. Good." *We won't die of thirst then. Probably.* I close my eyes for a few moments and try to get myself steady and stop shivering. "Everyone else on deck?" "Yes. It rained and Demele and Beni decided it's washday." I open an eye and look at Asuti again. "Thought you looked suspiciously clean," I observe dryly. She grins. I notice this time how her hair is in damp ringlets and her smock isn't entirely dry. I'm glad the opportunity was taken. All the human bodies in fairly tight proximity was starting to get a bit whiffy, and there was a baby too. The atmosphere had been getting a little high in the figurative sense as well, in the last few days. The grown-ups keep snapping at each other about things that don't matter. It was easier most of the time to just stay up on deck and find ways to keep busy. "Aw and I missed it too," I add. "No you haven't. We saved some, and Beni washed your stuff anyway. Sam said you needed to sleep, but then we saw land." "Meh." I could have borne being woken earlier this time. "Okay, get back on deck and finish drying off. I'll come up in a bit." "Okay." Left alone I can just give myself over to the shivers again for a while, and a little crying. Then I have to get up and somehow teach myself to use my hands without screaming.